Firewalking and Domestic Abuse

Much of our energy as women is directed towards others. It is our nature to love and nurture but our "other focus" is socially skewed by our adherence to social conditioning. We are taught to seek answers outside of ourselves, taught that our importance is in helping others. We learn that we are valuable when others approve of us. Often times, when we look inside ourselves we feel empty, not good enough, or unlovable. All of our energy goes to receiving approval and trying to do things right.

With domestic abuse, these issues are amplified. Approval is sought from the person that has dynamics of power and control. We seek to be seen by the person that is incapable of or chooses not to see us, or to see us and use it against us. Our focus is on keeping the peace, getting love or approval, pleasing, or walking on eggshells. We believe that if we could only do it right or better then we would be seen, understood, appreciated and loved. If we did it different, we could have the love that we so deeply crave. In the meantime, we are seen and loved by friends or family members. We barely recognize it because the place where it feels most important to us is where it is unavailable. We persist at trying getting the abuser to understand us because that puts it into our control rather than seeing that the abuser is unwilling or incapable of changing. When we see that it is their behavior of power and control and we cannot change it there is a terrible sense of loss. If we do not cause their behavior we then must see that it is not something we can change. They have to see it, recognize it for themselves and really work hard to change it since it is a behavior pattern that they have learned and held all their lives. It is unlikely that you are the first person to experience this behavior pattern from them and it is not your fault, even though they may blame it on you.

Healing begins by seeing ourselves and our true nature. Seeing our light we can then offer ourselves even a fraction of the love that we offer to or seek from others. We cannot change others or force them to see us but we can change ourselves and learn to see ourselves. We can change our own behavior and how engage with others.

In order to see our beauty, we must look beyond our self loathing, self hatred, or negative self beliefs. These patterns run deep and often feel like our entire identity. They dictate our actions and approval seeking without, when we cannot see within. We can begin our healing by shifting these patterns and beliefs and by beginning to release them, looking beyond. We can begin to find self love, see our own beauty and give ourselves approval. We can learn to act from the heart out of love rather than need or want.

Firewalking provides the potential for deep healing to occur on physical, emotional and spiritual levels. The firewalk itself, as well as the other process oriented activities during the firewalk and women's workshops, allows a way into our patterns and fears in a way that they can be released. Once released there is then room to energize our visions, strengthen our relationships with ourselves and others, and better know ourselves.